Another week has come and gone and the Lord has gotten me through each day. Its hard to believe it will be 5 weeks on Friday since finding out about our little Sophie. Part of me rejoices in the fact that the time has picked up past a crawl, but the other part (I know this is strange), marvels in this time that I am having with the Lord. God is so good and His mercies are new every morning. For the first time in my Christian walk, I have had to be totally dependent on God each and every moment of the day. Its when I let my guard down, and try to handle it on my own, I fall. Sophie's life has forced me to become dependent on my Heavenly Father. And I pray, that this will become a life habit of mine. I thank God for allowing me to cling to Him. Its my personality to be independent and try to control the situation on my own. But, it feels so good to cast my burdens on my God and trust Him with my every need. What a relief! Why haven't I been doing this all along? I never knew the God of all creation could be so intimately connected with every fiber of my being. God has also taught me this week about how I can use my suffering to comfort other people. As Carlton and I were walking late one night, I told him about how I felt so helpless around others who were suffering in the past. I think I have only been to two funerals in the past 10 years, because I have literally been afraid to be around those who were suffering. How can you comfort someone if you haven't "been there". You can't. All you can do is say "I'm sorry", take them some food, etc. I am not saying you have to go through the same trial, but you have had to suffer to a point where your whole body has to cry out to God each morning, so that you survive the day. There is something about the comfort of others who have also suffered. I want to be around them, I want to talk to them, I want to listen to their words of wisdom. I know God is preparing me for circumstances down the road when someone will need a shoulder to lean on, someone to talk to. I am thankful that I can now be that person. I am not afraid of suffering, death, etc. I now know that God really WILL get you through it. I never truly believed this before. When I heard of tragedies, I would turn my cheek and think that would never happen to me because God knows fragile Aimee couldn't survive. Well, by God's grace alone, I wake up every morning and my life goes on. Yes, Sophie has taught me so much about life and how short and precious it is. I catch myself often staring at my children and looking at their perfectly formed features, but now I give God the glory! I don't think, "Oh, what a cute little nose and what pretty blue eyes like your Daddy", I now think. "The God of the universe formed you with His hands and made you beautiful. I will enjoy you today more than yesterday. I will teach you about your Creator. I will stop doing the laundry and cleaning the house... I will sit with you and sing to you, and read you that story for the 15th time. And I will rejoice in every minute of it." Thank you my sweet little Sophie, for teaching me the value of life and drawing me closer to our mighty God, the maker of heaven and earth.
I will write again soon,
"All praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. " 2 Cor. 1: 3-4